Dear Ashley,


This is the cat I plan to adopt on Sunday. Let me state his facts.

- The Unicat has one eye.

- His one open eye is his left eye, and has a condition that requires eye drops twice a day.

- Artists use their left eye to focus the right cerebral of their brain to mirror the canvas with what they see. The Unicat is the opposite eyed so he will be the scientist of my house, while Captain is the artist... This cat could also be the astronaut.

- This cat cannot turn left, due to missing his left eye. Derek Zoolander could not turn left. This cat will be unable to model.

- The Unicat would best suit the older brother of Captain.




I want to name this cat Saturday, because in this cat’s mind, I’m pretty sure every day is Saturday.



Well... Look who decides to make it rain on Saturday.


Cat-loving Internet, meet Ashley. She HATES cats.





Generally people who only like dogs and not cats are the type to bowl less than 50 on a Saturday night.

They wear flared pants with buttons on the back pockets.

They are the type to own a small purse dog, and be completely scared of a big dog. A man of this action should be largely feared.

They talk-block your conversations with beautiful women.

They talk about having “Oprah money” and skip out on the bill.

They start wars in the Middle East.

They believe 9/11 was an inside job.

They go to protests.

They can’t cook.

They go to an expensive restaurant and order salad.

They ash their cigarettes in my jelly bean bowl on New Years Eve.

They are “Wooh Girls” at the bar, even if they are male. (refer to purse dog owner)












I’m sure if you printed out this picture and stared at it with at least 10 minutes a day of forceful anger, eventually, she will turn into a man. Darrell, I apologize. I love you, but your girlfriend does not love cats.

Every day, do these three steps with this photo on your wall.





1. Stare at this photo.


2. HATE THIS PHOTO.


3. THROW YOUR FECES AT THIS PHOTO








Now, later Ashley attempted to debate with me over why her heart is so cold and why people will probably go on a witch hunt for her tomorrow.







Ashley, we will continue this debate tomorrow afternoon.





Sincerely,

Super Awesome


P.S.

A French cat would see you and say, “N’est pas du meow, Mademoiselle.”

Cupcakes I made for Nikky and Wally. Yes, that’s a cupcake carrier.



I wrap presents like a bawse.






I got Aiden a hipster outfit.



He did not like..



I got so mad at Mia for taking him out of the package. Now, it’s worthless. Go enjoy your fucking toy.




We didn’t remove the dishes.



Look who showed up the next day in my outfit!!!



This is some of my artwork. I’m having a show at an art gallery that charges for wine next month.





My old roommate, Mike and Liam.



Brook is drunk off her skull. Every day she tells me how fertile she is and how she wants babies. She says she’s kidding. I don’t believe it.




Corey + Fubar 2 + Hennessy + Wine = Life is awesome.





Maybe.



Fritz.





I got a new Dude’s Night Out Bar.



New Years Eve on the roof.



Everyone else has pictures. I don’t want to rub it in to you for not showing up. We’ll just leave it at that.



Actually spotless the next day.



This is why I close the door to the bathroom.



My future best man and my best friend.



Popcorn... Like a bawse.




Justyna made this.



My favourite person in the world got me skating again.






Moochie.



This is the best DVD in the whole entire world. I actually got it last year for Christmas in 2009, but I finally finished it now.

Thanks again, Jude.



I want to adopt these two.



And now I am back skateboarding.




It’s time to suit up, because every day is Caturday.